I ordered a handbag from your company and never received it! And when I wrote to enquire about the whereabouts of my order, I was sent the following reply:

Dear Mr Cuntbag,

I hope you catch AIDS and then die in a fire and your wife and children are sold into the sex trade.

Shove your order up your arse.

Yours sincerely,

The Hermes Outlet Support Team

Then I noticed that large sums of money had been taken from my bank account without my permission and used to purchase illegal drugs and hardcore animal-on-midget pornography.

I will not be purchasing from you again.

I've got a Magic Wand in my pants